I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
