Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
