did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
