Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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