Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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