Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
