bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
