what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
