So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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