I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
