So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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