Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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