Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
