my phone needs a breathalizer
are you so shy because you have an std?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
