last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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