Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
