I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize