you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
