five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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