watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
