She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
