Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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