I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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