Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
