Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
