he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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