Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
