i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
