Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
