your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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There's always time for handjobs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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