woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
