im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
