I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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