i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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