That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
