You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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