Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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