he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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