Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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