So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
