hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
