Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
