yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
