he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The adults are the big ones right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
