Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
