i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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