I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we're so committed to being not committed
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