My sheets look like a crime scene.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
