I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
