she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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