Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
