Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
