I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
