I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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