If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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