why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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