Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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