he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
