You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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