god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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