super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
