Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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