in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
