forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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