My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My ass is underappreciated
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
