I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
