sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
