The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
