Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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