she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
