For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
