Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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