No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
