we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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