fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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