just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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