Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn

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(916): I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn http://tfl.nu/z1in

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.

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(610): No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends. http://tfl.nu/ox60

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....

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(201): Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me".... http://tfl.nu/dlub

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(650): View more from California

Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.

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(650): Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap. http://tfl.nu/3ryi

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(562): View more from California

We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.

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(562): We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went. http://tfl.nu/2aw8

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(218): View more from Minnesota

No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk

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(218): No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/i2q3

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(708): View more from Illinois

If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.

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(708): If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal. http://tfl.nu/hb9y

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(904): View more from Florida

Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?

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(904): Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care? http://tfl.nu/9o7b

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club

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(732): It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club http://tfl.nu/j8mx

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(408): View more from California

I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.

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(408): I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included. http://tfl.nu/7ela

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(360): View more from Washington

i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.

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(360): i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident. http://tfl.nu/ming

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(530): View more from California

We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."

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(530): We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out." http://tfl.nu/0tb5

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(904): View more from Florida

pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.

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(904): pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking. http://tfl.nu/eg7z

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.

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(307): Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf. http://tfl.nu/cifg

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(772): View more from Florida

I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.

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(772): I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix. http://tfl.nu/g0qx

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