youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
