That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water