Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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